"Don't Let It Bother You"

That used to be a phrase that I couldn't really comprehend, and it used to annoy me when people said it. It's like telling someone not to forget - they can try to remember, but they may very well forget. But recently, after some reading, and not a small amount of thinking, I decided not to let it bother me.

After a long time worrying about worrying, I just thought: "let it go". And I was surprised (and happy) that I felt I could. Maybe it's because I have been trying, and reading, and trying some more that I got to this stage. Sure, it might be hard putting it in to practice, but right now I've got a grin on my face. Because I won't let these little things bother me.

It will be different for different people, but I think there must be a trigger that can be fired when you get to a certain point. I don't claim to have reached enlightenment, but I will say it's a good feeling just to say:
I am how I am, and I can't change that, only become better at being myself.
Suffering is created from within, and I choose to let go of that suffering.
Things will turn out how they turn out, why worry about it?

The core truth of what I am saying is that, if you are feeling negative emotions, get to a place where you can let go of them. You could exercise rigorously to release them, but it's an exercise of the mind to let them go before they build up.

Practice and New Situations

I believe I have already mentioned that I have generalised anxiety or some form of social phobia. I have read what the literature has to say on the matter - usually something about cognitive reframing and logical thinking - but the only real method I have found effective is practice.

One example I could list is phone calls, something I believe quite a few Aspies don't like. Before I really examined it, I didn't know why I disliked phone calls, and assumed it was just something to do with my generation (as in peer group, not the the song by The Who). The issue is that I didn't really know when it was my turn to speak. After receiving many calls, albeit mostly from sales companies, I came up with stock phrases and I suppose I mimicked my parents' phone style a bit. These were less useful when there were new situations, or I was making the call.

As with talking with strangers face-to-face, phone calls take more conscious effort. I've noticed this even when talking to friends on the phone - people I know and am comfortable around. Every phone call I make adds to my experience and therefore my confidence making new calls. How? It's simple. Having  more things to draw on means I can take aspects from each and combine them effectively in ever new situations.
 
This can be applied to all social interactions, but you might have to start off small before building up to completely alien situations. Believe it or not, I feel generally more confident knowing there are things I can deal with now that I had issues with earlier.