The "Why-Because" Circle

I had an experience recently that I think Aspies will understand, and even the more laterally thinking NTs... The "Why-Because" Circle. When I don't understand things, I question until I do, which would be fine in an Aspie world, but not in one where my rulebook is different from everyone else's.

The crux of the issue is the difference in opinion of what a 'reason' is. I like solid reasons like an answer to "Why do we eat?" - simply "Because we have the urge to, we get good feelings when we do and bad feelings when we don't", or even "If you don't eat, you die." The type of answer I hate is "...because that's what's done".

I suppose if something is done long enough it is tradition, and I'm fine with that, but couldn't someone have pointed out the stupid ones before they became long running. An example from physics is the conventions for current in a circuit - the convention is that positive travels to negative, but in actuality does the opposite. So why not change it when we found that out? Because that's the way we'd done for a long time. Other situations like this are not the worst ones - at least they have a discernible source.

Often, when a person is told to do something a certain way, they do it that way. Some will ask why, and will get the response "because this is the way we do it". I would always want to know why, why do it that way? Sometimes because it seems inefficient or illogical. The 'best' people always explain why (probably because they know, and weren't just told themselves), but other will just say "it's done that way because that's the way everybody does it". Cheers, that's real helpful. And I bet you can guess why everybody does it that way... because it's what is done.

These kinds of arguments can infuriate me if I don't take a step back and tell myself it's not that big a deal. On the grand scheme of things it isn't, but Aspies can magnify small issues (quite often, too) to make them seem big to themselves. I think, once you are aware of an issue, you are already better equipped to deal with it. Self improvement isn't just for outward appearance.

"Will You Miss Me?"

I had some ask me that recently, and I didn't have nearly enough time to evaluate my feelings and decide how to express them. When a friend leaves, it's certainly a change, especially when you've known this person for a long time. My friend, let's call her Alice, is leaving the area with no intention to return any time soon. It's not thousands of miles like it could be in America, but it's still a bitch of a commute.

I think the honest answer would be no, I wouldn't miss Alice, in strict interpretation. I think that 'missing' someone implies a feeling of loss, a bit of mourning, and a general sad feeling. You may think it's my response is somewhat robotic, a little Spockian, but that makes it no less genuine. I would prefer it if she stayed. I like life how it is, and she's part of that.

I have invested vast amounts of time building this friendship over seven years. There have been a few down moments, but I think that made it stronger. I have a strong emotional attachment to her. However, her leaving will not directly affect me. She will not be available to come on nights out, I can't go to a coffee shop with her, we can't have a mooch around town. These are events which I enjoy, but won't happen, and I don't feel I will particularly lament their absence. We will absolutely still talk online, and I'm sure if my generation used phones to call people, we'd do that occasionally too.

But I don't like change (not that most people do). I won't like the fact that we can't do these things, but I won't be genuinely sad. I know this because I had another friend move away a few years ago. I could have said goodbye at the airport, but it was an early flight and I was asleep. Again, this is a friend who I really enjoyed spending time with, and now I sometimes think it would be nice to meet up again. I can't, the main reason is the trip would probably cost me close to a month's wages, and I think Japan would freak me out.

I think what I said is that I wouldn't like not having her around. I will not miss Alice: I will miss the social interactions. I can still talk to her, so it's not that bad. Either that's a bonus of being Aspie, or I'm just a guy...