"Don't Let It Bother You"

That used to be a phrase that I couldn't really comprehend, and it used to annoy me when people said it. It's like telling someone not to forget - they can try to remember, but they may very well forget. But recently, after some reading, and not a small amount of thinking, I decided not to let it bother me.

After a long time worrying about worrying, I just thought: "let it go". And I was surprised (and happy) that I felt I could. Maybe it's because I have been trying, and reading, and trying some more that I got to this stage. Sure, it might be hard putting it in to practice, but right now I've got a grin on my face. Because I won't let these little things bother me.

It will be different for different people, but I think there must be a trigger that can be fired when you get to a certain point. I don't claim to have reached enlightenment, but I will say it's a good feeling just to say:
I am how I am, and I can't change that, only become better at being myself.
Suffering is created from within, and I choose to let go of that suffering.
Things will turn out how they turn out, why worry about it?

The core truth of what I am saying is that, if you are feeling negative emotions, get to a place where you can let go of them. You could exercise rigorously to release them, but it's an exercise of the mind to let them go before they build up.

It Is Never An Excuse

I have a tendency to want to blame my AS for certain behaviours and shortcomings. This is the wrong way to go about things. When I recognise something I could do better, I try hard to take that on board and improve on it next time. If I make a social faux pas then my obsession over it later can help ensure I don't do it again, or at least less often. If I find myself in a situation where I feel I'm about to lose control, I will examine the situation and try to understand what contributed to my state, and try to avoid or prevent that happening again in the future.

You could look at it in a similar way to overcoming addiction: there is an undesired behaviour which seems so natural, but that you're trying to overcome. You may have relapses occasionally. You may feel down occasionally. What if an alcoholic said the reason, the excuse, for his violence or uncivil behaviour was simply that he was an alcoholic? What if a drug addict said his stealing to support his habit was justified because he was a drug addict? That wouldn't lie. Neither does blaming Aspergers for poor behaviour and bad interactions.

I'm not saying AS is the same as addiction, because it is not. However, to be a happier overall person, it is important to fight every day. I've read that to face the world everyday, people with Aspergers are braver than most. If you let AS rule your life, you are not a worse person, but if you can look at the world as a challenge to be overcome, and strive to better yourself then I'd say yes, that is quite brave. And you can feel better about yourself because of it.