The Trial of Shopping

People with Asperger’s are not necessarily good at social interactions. I’m no exception. When a Neurotypical goes down to the shops, they may engage the cashier or other customers in pleasantries and chitchat. When I go to the shops, and I only go to the shops if I vitally need something, I don’t engage anyone in ‘meaningless’ talk.

The way I view the world affects the way I interact with it, which I think is true for us all. I perceive a need – for food, clothes, whatever – so I must go to a place where I can acquire these things. When I’m there I get what I need, then go to pay. This is a simple transaction where I perform my function of customer and the cashier performs the function of enabling this purchase. Maybe you’ll see some similarities with yourself there…

On an intellectual level, I am aware that the other person is not simply a function, and they very well may want a way to alleviate the monotony of their day. I also understand that pleasantries and chatter are an important part of social bonding, and even though I will probably never befriend this worker, it’s nice and polite. However, as is often the case, the emotional side of my brain – the side of my brain to which I attribute my anxieties and aspie-isms – wants to take over, it wants to get this done and dusted as quickly as possible.

So I use stock phrases, watch the weather, and try not to be oblivious of current events. I’ve been told that small talk is the social grease, and although I don’t necessarily feel the benefits of it, it gives the illusion of being ‘normal’. It’s a shame, but some NTs might feel awkward around people who don’t conform, and an uncomfortable NT may be more difficult to interact with. So when someone says to me “it’s a right cold patch we’re having isn’t it?”, I don’t just say “yes” and move on, I try to say something like “well I hear it will get better by Monday”. Just that small stock sentence may illicit a smile from the other party, because there is that expected bit of social grease that tells them they’re not dealing with a psychopath, oddball, or any other type of weirdo. Okay, I still often come across as socially awkward by dint of inflection or odd pause lengths in conversation, but they appreciate it. Think of it like speaking bad French to a Frenchman – he might pick up on it, but will appreciate you trying.