I like to think that I'm acting more NT more easily over time, but today I found myself doing something I hate. I have always said I'm least at ease when I'm in a new situation and I don't know the protocol - that's when the anxiety kicks in. Today I avoided the anxiety by giving in to the sociophobia.
Somebody asked me to do something I'd never done before, and I couldn't push myself to do it. I need to figure out how to overcome this...
20 Apr 2012
19 Apr 2012
Wonderings
Is the best thing really to withdraw? By avoiding any situation in which one can be hurt, one supposedly avoids it. It might not be considered a good or happy life, but I say look at Sheldon Cooper. Although fictional, he represents a very real personality type. Often dragged out as the quintessential highly gifted aspie, he finds enjoyment in intellectual pursuits. Relationships are designed for fulfillment - the biology of the involved is such that the bond itself can bring happiness. This is not only true of romantic relationships (although the endorphin release may be much greater), but of social relationships too.
Similar to other aspies, I have perhaps a different classification of friendship than neurotypicals. I don't know what their system is, or even if they have one defined (I've never asked), but mine is very clear in its tiers.
Top tier - significant other:
This bond is thought of as unbreakable, while it provides high fulfillment of emotional needs. No important secrets, and absolute trust. Things in this relationship are as facts.
Second tier - close friends:
There are no more than half a dozen I would call close friends. These people know I'm aspie, and I sometimes talk to them about it. I confide in them. Money isn't an issue and items can easly pass between us. I don't tell them they're in my 'inner circle' but they might suspect it.
Third tier - friends:
They are who I socialise most with. Probably long time acquaintances, I'd be comfortable around them, but still put on a bit of an NT act. We share small talk and I don't have any issues with any of them. I would trust them with something, but nothing vital. For example my DSLR: only select few people are allowed to touch it, and only my family after hesitation.
Final tier - acquaintances/people I interact with:
This would be people I went to school or uni with but didn't particularly befriend combined with people I refer to as 'service people' (no offence meant, it is simply how I classify cashiers, ticketpeople, sales assistants, and the like) and people I see regularly who I don't intend to befriend.
This may explain why I have less than half the average number of 'friends' on social networks. But I don't care, they can't really have 400 friends... that's more than one per day. Can't be done.
Part of me thinks I could just invert in to my own little existence, not getting to know new people, wanting things to be the same. The rest knows it's impossible, and would probably end in depression. It's best to just get on with life, I suppose. And hell, I might even enjoy it.
Similar to other aspies, I have perhaps a different classification of friendship than neurotypicals. I don't know what their system is, or even if they have one defined (I've never asked), but mine is very clear in its tiers.
Top tier - significant other:
This bond is thought of as unbreakable, while it provides high fulfillment of emotional needs. No important secrets, and absolute trust. Things in this relationship are as facts.
Second tier - close friends:
There are no more than half a dozen I would call close friends. These people know I'm aspie, and I sometimes talk to them about it. I confide in them. Money isn't an issue and items can easly pass between us. I don't tell them they're in my 'inner circle' but they might suspect it.
Third tier - friends:
They are who I socialise most with. Probably long time acquaintances, I'd be comfortable around them, but still put on a bit of an NT act. We share small talk and I don't have any issues with any of them. I would trust them with something, but nothing vital. For example my DSLR: only select few people are allowed to touch it, and only my family after hesitation.
Final tier - acquaintances/people I interact with:
This would be people I went to school or uni with but didn't particularly befriend combined with people I refer to as 'service people' (no offence meant, it is simply how I classify cashiers, ticketpeople, sales assistants, and the like) and people I see regularly who I don't intend to befriend.
This may explain why I have less than half the average number of 'friends' on social networks. But I don't care, they can't really have 400 friends... that's more than one per day. Can't be done.
Part of me thinks I could just invert in to my own little existence, not getting to know new people, wanting things to be the same. The rest knows it's impossible, and would probably end in depression. It's best to just get on with life, I suppose. And hell, I might even enjoy it.
9 Apr 2012
What I Don't Understand
When I talk about things I don't understand, I don't mean Quantum Loop Gravity, Bessel Function proofs, or why the Kardashians are famous. I mean other things that NTs generally don't think about. Think of this post as a few micro-rants after a short hiatus.
The term "Hit and Miss" - these two terms are mutually exclusive, are they not? It is not possible to both miss and hit at the same time. What people mean to say is "sometimes this, sometimes that", or even "occasionally something". Is there no grey area? Just say it's equally likely.
Issues with bare feet - I know we cover up most of the rest of our bodies, but I was told it was poor form to be barefoot around the house in the presence of guests. Why? I only wear socks as shoe liners, and I'd be fine if people wanted to go barefoot around me. Some people ask you remove your shoes, I say it's fine to go one step further.
Um - I seem to have started making this noise to indicate I want to speak. I don't know why, but it's about as annoying to me as upspeak.
Everyone is always awesome - greetings cards are always to your favourite, or a very special person. Everybody who died of a disease was a light in their family's lives and a pillar of the community. There is nothing that expresses the sentiment "We don't really like each other, but it is a social expectation that I do this". This might not be the best idea, but it's a thought. I want to receive a card that states: "We have known each other for the best part of two decades, but we have never been particularly close. However, there exists a bond between us that is difficult to define but could be labelled as friendship. I wish to express my appreciation of this bond, the emotional fulfillment it can provide, and all the times we have enjoyed each other's company in card form. Happy Birthday"
Names of things and ambiguity - today I saw two products by the same manufacturer which had somewhat ambiguous labeling. As I read it, one product implied it refreshed your eyes, and one implied it made them itchy. I do understand of course the purpose of each. And I do really like the English language (most languages for that matter) - some words have multiple meanings and two words can sound the same (yay for puns) - but I don't always know how to process slightly ambiguous statements. Which is possibly why I don't do too well on wordy exam questions...
The term "Hit and Miss" - these two terms are mutually exclusive, are they not? It is not possible to both miss and hit at the same time. What people mean to say is "sometimes this, sometimes that", or even "occasionally something". Is there no grey area? Just say it's equally likely.
Issues with bare feet - I know we cover up most of the rest of our bodies, but I was told it was poor form to be barefoot around the house in the presence of guests. Why? I only wear socks as shoe liners, and I'd be fine if people wanted to go barefoot around me. Some people ask you remove your shoes, I say it's fine to go one step further.
Um - I seem to have started making this noise to indicate I want to speak. I don't know why, but it's about as annoying to me as upspeak.
Everyone is always awesome - greetings cards are always to your favourite, or a very special person. Everybody who died of a disease was a light in their family's lives and a pillar of the community. There is nothing that expresses the sentiment "We don't really like each other, but it is a social expectation that I do this". This might not be the best idea, but it's a thought. I want to receive a card that states: "We have known each other for the best part of two decades, but we have never been particularly close. However, there exists a bond between us that is difficult to define but could be labelled as friendship. I wish to express my appreciation of this bond, the emotional fulfillment it can provide, and all the times we have enjoyed each other's company in card form. Happy Birthday"
Names of things and ambiguity - today I saw two products by the same manufacturer which had somewhat ambiguous labeling. As I read it, one product implied it refreshed your eyes, and one implied it made them itchy. I do understand of course the purpose of each. And I do really like the English language (most languages for that matter) - some words have multiple meanings and two words can sound the same (yay for puns) - but I don't always know how to process slightly ambiguous statements. Which is possibly why I don't do too well on wordy exam questions...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)