Finding The One, or Just Someone

Despite my respite from posting, I intend to keep this short. I am starting to read a new book (Asperger Meets Girl) and before I got into it, I had some thoughts.

One problem people with an ASD claim to have is an inability to flirt. However, I have the inability to not flirt. I learned my behaviour by watching others and have been told I can be quite flirtatious. Why am I bragging? I'm not.

I lack the emotional and physiological detection skills to determine personal interest from polite interest. I cannot recognise when I'm being hit on unless I can see the checklist of signs. I, and many other A spies and Auties, must learn a) to recognise how and when to flirt, and b) when the hell someone is doing it back.

I've said previously about an anthropology book on the English, and it was useful. If you are struggling, find something which translate innate knowledge into rules and observations. It will help. I read a recent article about an airline helping autistic children understand and be comfortable with air travel. I am only aware of one place that teaches social skills, and more importantly inter-gender skills, in an ASD designed way. I'm not talking about biology, but psychology. Of course, courses and societies exist that are designed to get your designs. Adult learning for adult interactions.

I'm not interested. Occasionally I have considered making my voice heard, coming out of the very safe and decidedly neat Aspie cupboard because these resources either do not exist or a poorly advertised.

A Step Back

I like to think that I'm acting more NT more easily over time, but today I found myself doing something I hate. I have always said I'm least at ease when I'm in a new situation and I don't know the protocol - that's when the anxiety kicks in. Today I avoided the anxiety by giving in to the sociophobia.


Somebody asked me to do something I'd never done before, and I couldn't push myself to do it. I need to figure out how to overcome this...

Being On Time, And The Inherent Anxiety

I have to be on time. It's not a choice, it is an absolute state for me. Of course being on time is important for work and interviews and such, but I can't let it stop there.

That is where one part of the problem lies. The other part is the sheer anxiety I feel when I need to be somewhere at a specific time. I plan my route, I know arrival and departure times of any public transport, I know transit time, and I factor in time for unseen delays. And 99.9% of the time, I am on time or early. Thinking about it rationally, the repercussions of being late are astronomically minor. Okay, if I'm late to a job interview it might harm my chances, but I don't have those often. I can assure myself that I can get there an hour early, and even if there is a major transport incident, I could still get there with time to spare. All variables taken care of.

But there is still that nervous energy that makes me pace, clench my fists, grind my teeth, tap my fingers, and just generally stress out. The other part I mentioned is that I let it leak into other parts of my life, like meeting friends for a drink. "Oh meet at 8 o'clock? Yeah, I'll see you then." Then be there at 8 o'clock! It's not that hard. This is where I get a bit Aspie. Even if they said meet at about a given time, I always arrive on the dot, and expect them to. I've become used to the fact that very few people care as much as I do about being on time. I say that that specific trait is Aspie, because a few sources talk about the AS view of justice. If I abide by the these (albeit self inflicted) rules, then so should every one else. But they don't, and I've got used to it.

But I am still always on time.