Would You Rather Be Normal or Weird?

When asked this question, most people would say weird. Weird, isn't it? It's because they're not answering the question. The real question is actually asking whether you would prefer to fit in or not. Think about it if you don't get it at first.

Normal means like everyone else. What it doesn't mean is a clone of everyone else. So when the neurotypicals say they want to be different from everyone else, they don't really understand. Being different is fine, being different can be great, but nobody wants to feel excluded because of their difference. And that's what weird is. If a person is too different for the social circle or peer group, they will be slowly forced or left out. Because they're weird.

There are probably many people on the spectrum who would disagree with me, but I would prefer to be normal. Or at least, I think I would given a few caveats. If normal meant no social anxiety, no difficulty understanding social situation, no need for stimming, that would be fantastic. But if it came with a trade off so that I was less intelligent, and could not really feel through my music, was not passionate about the little things, I'm not sure I would go for it.

I have always been the weird one in the social groups. This has suited me fine. It means I could be myself, and those around me could enjoy me being myself. But as time moves on, so do friends, and you find yourself in a shrinking circle. If I were "normal" I would probably just make new friends. But it's not that easy. Weird doesn't make you friends. I don't often feel weird, but when I do, it's not a good feeling. Can you, you who are reading this, honestly say that you enjoy feeling left out because of who you are?

Finding The One, or Just Someone

Despite my respite from posting, I intend to keep this short. I am starting to read a new book (Asperger Meets Girl) and before I got into it, I had some thoughts.

One problem people with an ASD claim to have is an inability to flirt. However, I have the inability to not flirt. I learned my behaviour by watching others and have been told I can be quite flirtatious. Why am I bragging? I'm not.

I lack the emotional and physiological detection skills to determine personal interest from polite interest. I cannot recognise when I'm being hit on unless I can see the checklist of signs. I, and many other A spies and Auties, must learn a) to recognise how and when to flirt, and b) when the hell someone is doing it back.

I've said previously about an anthropology book on the English, and it was useful. If you are struggling, find something which translate innate knowledge into rules and observations. It will help. I read a recent article about an airline helping autistic children understand and be comfortable with air travel. I am only aware of one place that teaches social skills, and more importantly inter-gender skills, in an ASD designed way. I'm not talking about biology, but psychology. Of course, courses and societies exist that are designed to get your designs. Adult learning for adult interactions.

I'm not interested. Occasionally I have considered making my voice heard, coming out of the very safe and decidedly neat Aspie cupboard because these resources either do not exist or a poorly advertised.

The Aspergian Brain

I don't profess to be a neuroscientist, or any other brain-studier, so what you read here may not be 100% accurate, but it's what I can pull together about how the difference in 'wiring' produces these different results.

The Frontal Lobe:
I understand that it controls/regulates things such as emotions, some motor skills, impulse control, long term memory, and decision making. Studies into children with AS have found that there is reduced activity in this area when making a decision. This is purely my speculation, but I'm thinking that the further along the spectrum, the less this area reacts. Think Rainman - Raymond was completely unable to determine right from wrong, or to decide his future.

Also, deficiencies (or deviations from the norm) in this area could mean a reduced emotional response or emotional competence. If the neurons aren't firing like those of NTs, then behaviour will be different. Interestingly, the frontal lobes are involved with the sense of humour, and I know that some Aspies are described as lacking in that department. Quite importantly, the area believed to be involved with detecting deception, irony, and sarcasm is in the frontal lobes.

If there is simply a difference in structure, and not a deficiency in brain chemicals, this may explain the single-mindedness - the ability to be completely absorbed , the stubbornness, even the genius. Research into adult Aspergians has found higher levels of protein in the frontal lobes (cerebral cortex). This same difference may also be linked with the difficulty in social interaction. The communication between parts of the brain may be hindered by the different layout or concentration of hormones.

More activity in this region could account for better non-task memory: fact recall.

The Amygdala:
This is supposedly where the emotions are decoded. If they are incorrectly decoded, or the message is misinterpreted at the other end, then I believe that would result in 'emotional incompetence'. As this is also the area that deals with threats and senses. This could explain why some people have sensory overloads: they perceive 'normal' things as threats or as bad things, and this part of the brain takes over, trying to get the body away and possibly warning others (wailing and jerking).

Possibly, the difference in the structure means that people with an ASD could be hyper-vigilant or unable to shut certain things out. The amygdala is in constant contact with the cerebral cortex, and if it thinks there is  danger, it will be sending more messages to the frontal lobes, causing anxiety.

It has also been linked to social emotional processing (empathy).


If anyone with learning or knowledge in this area wishes to contradict me, please do, as this is all speculation based on perfunctory research.