You're An Effort to Deal With

It's not a uncommon view that people on the spectrum are hard to deal with. I accept that this may be true, especially as you go further along the spectrum. Neurotypicals have to "deal" with people with milder ASDs because we are, to them, unconventional. Trust me, there are books on it.

Well here's something - I find NTs hard to deal with. Twice recently, this has been brought home to me. Like any introvert, I like my own time to 'recharge'. As someone  with Aspergers, my sympathetic nervous system is 'on' more than that of a physiologically normal person. What does that mean? My parasympathetic nervous system is less effective at relaxing and recharging me. In real terms, it means I genuinely need time after work, or after a social gathering, or any situation with stressors, so I can be prepared for the next day. Twice recently, I have had guests from the moment I walked in (and one basically until I went to bed).

I enjoy seeing these people. But when I have company sprung on me without time to recharge or mentally prepare, I feel out of sorts. I'm not disturbed that my routine is upset (or upset that my routine is disturbed, take your pick), and I'm not put out that they want to see me. It purely is that I was trying to wind down, and someone accidentally dropped a spanner in the works.

This is true for many Aspies, and possibly, to some extent, everyone else. There doesn't need to stereotypical stress, and it doesn't have to have been a hectic day. I might post again about the nervous systems (as I have done about the brain), but for now let me say this: everyone is hard to deal with for a lot of Aspies, and it gets tiring, so it may seem like boredom or disinterest or anything else, but it can genuinely be that we've had enough socialising for today, so please go away.

Would You Rather Be Normal or Weird?

When asked this question, most people would say weird. Weird, isn't it? It's because they're not answering the question. The real question is actually asking whether you would prefer to fit in or not. Think about it if you don't get it at first.

Normal means like everyone else. What it doesn't mean is a clone of everyone else. So when the neurotypicals say they want to be different from everyone else, they don't really understand. Being different is fine, being different can be great, but nobody wants to feel excluded because of their difference. And that's what weird is. If a person is too different for the social circle or peer group, they will be slowly forced or left out. Because they're weird.

There are probably many people on the spectrum who would disagree with me, but I would prefer to be normal. Or at least, I think I would given a few caveats. If normal meant no social anxiety, no difficulty understanding social situation, no need for stimming, that would be fantastic. But if it came with a trade off so that I was less intelligent, and could not really feel through my music, was not passionate about the little things, I'm not sure I would go for it.

I have always been the weird one in the social groups. This has suited me fine. It means I could be myself, and those around me could enjoy me being myself. But as time moves on, so do friends, and you find yourself in a shrinking circle. If I were "normal" I would probably just make new friends. But it's not that easy. Weird doesn't make you friends. I don't often feel weird, but when I do, it's not a good feeling. Can you, you who are reading this, honestly say that you enjoy feeling left out because of who you are?