The Appearance of Ego

I think I have low self-confidence. It may have something to do with social anxiety, pessimism, and slight perfectionism. I have to put on a show, the appearance of ego when I'm in social situations. Throw some bravado in there for good measure.

Of course, we all have an ego, super-ego, and id. I'm referring to being egotistical, a somewhat alpha-male behaviour. I find that I act like an alpha-male when in a social group, probably to hide my insecurities, and to satisfy my need for control. Underneath I'm running hot - taking in lots of data, trying to interpret it as best as possible, and deliver a suitable response. For me, alpha behaviour is easier to mimic. Then, any misunderstandings in conversation or body-language can be dismissed as fault of the other person. I'm the boss round here, so it must be your fault. Any slight to that image of egotism is dismissed or redirected. Bitch, I'm awesome. As far as I can tell, it works.

It's all based on analysis and thinking though. Perhaps acting confident makes you confident, something psychosomatic, somewhat like the placebo effect. It's the only logical conclusion: I'm acting confident, people think I'm confident, I must be confident. And it works... in social situations.

When I'm alone, it's a different story altogether. Recently I was at a jobs fair, an event where students wander round the space and talk to prospective employers. The thing is, I don't have the confidence to talk to them, and even if I do, what a first impression I'd make. If I knew the social protocols, it might be better, more like a visit to the shops. It could be a control issue, and not knowing the possible outcomes.

I just need a way to give the appearance of ego in unfamiliar situations...