I think I have low self-confidence. It may have something to do with social anxiety, pessimism, and slight perfectionism. I have to put on a show, the appearance of ego when I'm in social situations. Throw some bravado in there for good measure.
Of course, we all have an ego, super-ego, and id. I'm referring to being egotistical, a somewhat alpha-male behaviour. I find that I act like an alpha-male when in a social group, probably to hide my insecurities, and to satisfy my need for control. Underneath I'm running hot - taking in lots of data, trying to interpret it as best as possible, and deliver a suitable response. For me, alpha behaviour is easier to mimic. Then, any misunderstandings in conversation or body-language can be dismissed as fault of the other person. I'm the boss round here, so it must be your fault. Any slight to that image of egotism is dismissed or redirected. Bitch, I'm awesome. As far as I can tell, it works.
It's all based on analysis and thinking though. Perhaps acting confident makes you confident, something psychosomatic, somewhat like the placebo effect. It's the only logical conclusion: I'm acting confident, people think I'm confident, I must be confident. And it works... in social situations.
When I'm alone, it's a different story altogether. Recently I was at a jobs fair, an event where students wander round the space and talk to prospective employers. The thing is, I don't have the confidence to talk to them, and even if I do, what a first impression I'd make. If I knew the social protocols, it might be better, more like a visit to the shops. It could be a control issue, and not knowing the possible outcomes.
I just need a way to give the appearance of ego in unfamiliar situations...
I think this is what a guy at work does. I've had a crush on him for a long time and recently gave up BECAUSE of this behavior. I think he felt powerless so much bcs of his AS, that he has compensated by this kind of power-type behavior. It makes me so sad bcs it really gets in the way of a genuine and caring relationship. And its SO ego based!! :(
ReplyDeleteUnless you know for certain that he has AS, then he could just be a jerk. Even if he does, he could just be a jerk. If you want a genuine relationship, I'd suggest trying to make him understand he doesn't need to do it around you.
ReplyDelete"... Even if he does, he could just be a jerk." !! I clapped and laughed out loud when I read this because you are SO right!! Well, I don't know (thank you for the suggestion), I may try and say that at some point if possible, but it usually happens in group situations and so I think it would make him dig his heels in MORE (I know it would) and I recently pissed him off already by (nicely I THOUGHT) confronting him with his put downs which he does in front of others that I did not appreciate. Instead of feeling bad about it he got mad. I think he holds himself up to such high standards of perfection that he can't STAND what he sees as criticism of any kind....so....all of this may be related to his AS, but it still ends up that he is acting like a ....sigh...jerk!! Its a crazy complicated Aspie world, isnt it?
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