Avoiding Meltdowns

*All of the below is my opinion at the date of posting.

Meltdowns aren't very nice - I think that's something everyone can agree on.  But if they happen, they happen. So the question is do they have to happen?

Very occasionally will the cause of a meltdown (or shutdown) be one single event, and in these cases I have no advice or experience. Commonly, meltdowns occur after exposure to stressors (a word I am using to encompass any stimulus which causes a stress response), and then are triggered by something - the straw that broke the camel's back. There are a few possibilities when reducing the probability of a meltdown:

• avoid stressors
• reduce the effect of stressors
• avoid triggers

The last of those three is quite possibly the trickiest. It relies on you being able to tell when you are at your likely to meltdown, and isolate yourself from them. I say this is tricky for two reason. First, you have to recognise when you are at your limit. It's a steep learning curve if you can't recognise it, because failing to do so will probably result in that meltdown. Thafatigue, I can recognise that in myself.

The second part is being able to isolate yourself. Isolation in itself is not hard, but if you are in a situation with an abundance of stressors, it may be difficult to remove yourself from that situation. If you are feeling overwhelmed and can escape, then it is likely you've avoided melting down, and you can start recovering from overexposure however you normally do. I'm not saying jump in a sensory deprivation tank, and isolation doesn't necessarily mean be alone, it means go somewhere 'safe'. Unfortunately this might not work, in which case it's necessary to nip it in the bud sooner.

Avoiding stressors varies in feasibility from person to person. You have to identify when and where these occur, and simply cut them out. If the flickering lights in a particular shop are a cause, find a different shop. If the noise of a particular environment, like a construction site, is a cause, find a different route. Hopefully these won't sound like running away from your problems, or over simplistic pseudo-solutions. Hopefully you will be able to see that, to paraphrase English intellectual Cyril Connolly, the avoidance of pain is the beginning of wisdom - a sentiment probably expressed by many people over time. Wisdom doesn't come with age, it comes with experience, and my experience asks me: doesn't it sound wise to avoid bad experiences?*

But what if you can't avoid them? What if you have them thrust upon you? Running away is not the answer, but retreating may be. A retreat is organised and tactical. By retreating from a situation you are taking away the immediate stressor before it can build up to excessive levels, calming yourself, preparing yourself to deal with it, and returning to it with a more resolute (even optimistic) mindset. I'm not prescribing meditation for every minor infraction, but I find some of the principles very effective at reducing the likelihood of a meltdown...

Recently at work, where I operate at a genteel, almost leisurely, pace, I was given much more responsibility. This would interrupt what I saw as my regular duties, and put me in situations I was not comfortable with. Also, I was asked at the last minute to have a personal development type meeting. And also I had to train someone on something. And someone wanted me to check if I had made mistakes in a lot of my work (I hadn't). And I had something very time-sensitive given to me. And I had get something else right because it was being sent to the head of the organisation.

All of this took place in under half an hour, which you may understand put a little bit of pressure on me (if you don't understand why this build to meltdown feelings, don't be afraid to ask in the comments). So I waited until everyone had stopped making demands (while telling myself "calm down, breathe, get through this next minute") and isolated myself in a quiet room. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, concentrating on nothing else but my breathing for several minutes. I then tried to order the events in my mind into a pattern that was manageable. When I returned, I started work on the first thing, then when I had finished, I started the second thing. Each thing one at a time. It worked out fine.

This may not be applicable to everyone, but it is transferable. If you can, do the wise thing avoid the causes of meltdowns. If you can't, do the wise thing and briefly retreat from them, using any coping mechanisms you have. You don't even have to go anywhere to retreat, just figuratively push the issue to the side for a moment (if you can - I know it's quite difficult with noise-based stimuli). Try not to escalate or magnify the stimuli by focussing on them. So far I haven't covered one contributing factor - fatigye or tiredness. Why? There is only one solution. Sleep.

*Some bad experiences are necessary, but repeated meltdowns are not

Mockingbird

I wrote previously about how the non-fiction work "Watching The English" could be useful to English Aspies. I book I read some time ago may also be useful: Mockingbird. No, I didn't buy it mistakenly thinking it was part of the recently popular Hunger Games trilogy. It is the story of a young girl with Asperger Syndrome as she tries to help her father out of depression after the murder of her brother. Cheery stuff... But for people on the spectrum and not on the spectrum, I think it's worth a read.

Written in the first person, it really gets you into her thought processes, so you really understand the character and her decisions. If you're not on the spectrum, I would say it gives good insight into someone with Asperger Syndrome, not all of us, but some of us.

Give it a go. Kathryn Erskine. Mockingbird.

Stimming

When it comes to dealing with anxiety, there are a few things you can try in order to lessen those feelings. However, when in stressful situations, I have found that I 'stim'.

It's not a phrase I applied to myself until recently, and it does apply. Similar to with OCD, it is the performance of repetitive actions, but this time in a more mentally healthy way. It is a calming action that is repeated when stressed. What is most often quoted is children with AS spinning in circles, but apparently can include intellectual pursuits or precision tasks.

Personally, my stimming mostly manifests itself in the form of wiggling the toes on my left foot. This is for just above base level anxiety, and I do find it helps me keep calm. It's nearly subconscious now, so that by the time I realise something is stressing me, I am already trying to deal with it. If I'm sat up, my leg jiggles, which draws attention, but not much, and it does it's job. For increased levels of stress (and nervous energy), I shake my right hand like I'm playing an invisible tambourine, or tap a surface really fast for a long period of time.

It works to bring down, or reign in, anxiety levels.I'm not saying it's a 'healthy habit', but I am saying it can help, especially in some social situation.

The Appearance of Ego

I think I have low self-confidence. It may have something to do with social anxiety, pessimism, and slight perfectionism. I have to put on a show, the appearance of ego when I'm in social situations. Throw some bravado in there for good measure.

Of course, we all have an ego, super-ego, and id. I'm referring to being egotistical, a somewhat alpha-male behaviour. I find that I act like an alpha-male when in a social group, probably to hide my insecurities, and to satisfy my need for control. Underneath I'm running hot - taking in lots of data, trying to interpret it as best as possible, and deliver a suitable response. For me, alpha behaviour is easier to mimic. Then, any misunderstandings in conversation or body-language can be dismissed as fault of the other person. I'm the boss round here, so it must be your fault. Any slight to that image of egotism is dismissed or redirected. Bitch, I'm awesome. As far as I can tell, it works.

It's all based on analysis and thinking though. Perhaps acting confident makes you confident, something psychosomatic, somewhat like the placebo effect. It's the only logical conclusion: I'm acting confident, people think I'm confident, I must be confident. And it works... in social situations.

When I'm alone, it's a different story altogether. Recently I was at a jobs fair, an event where students wander round the space and talk to prospective employers. The thing is, I don't have the confidence to talk to them, and even if I do, what a first impression I'd make. If I knew the social protocols, it might be better, more like a visit to the shops. It could be a control issue, and not knowing the possible outcomes.

I just need a way to give the appearance of ego in unfamiliar situations...

Hypervigilance

It is common for Aspies to suffer from hypervigilance, a state where all those fight-or-flight mechanisms are running hot. It is a state most often associated with post traumatic stress disorder. I am somewhat hypervigilant, either as a symptom of constant higher stress/adrenaline levels, or one of many causes of it.

I have yet to find a suitable coping or prevention mechanism, but I would assume that by reducing my anxiety level, switching to the sympathetic nervous system, relaxing, the hypervigilance would abate.

When there is an unexpected noise, not even a loud noise, my heart rate picks up almost before I hear it. Unless I can readily identify the cause and source, I have the urge to investigate. If I'm listening to the radio and hear people outside, I will mute the radio and listen often until they're gone. When I hear a human noise at night, despite my best efforts, my heart jumps and I find it harder to sleep. When I was younger, I used to immediately check a new place for exits and cameras, in case something happened. I know it isn't at all severe, I'm not paranoid, and I'm not afraid, but it is still there, and it affects me.

How do I deal with it? I don't get worried or stressed about hypervigilance for a start. That could possibly compound. Usually, the effects are much less when I'm in a safe environment, but when I'm not, I just identify the sound and source as best as possible and assure myself that there is nothing to worry about. In public spaces, I avoid magnification, a behaviour which looks at the small things, and not the big picture. How many times have I had to make an emergency exit from am imminent threat? None, that I recall. What about at night when I'm away from home? Earplugs. They are unbelievably helpful, trust me. And You can still hear your alarm clock.

Anger At Myself

Sometimes I can't help but be frustrated. I can't let things go, I find it difficult to relax, and my social ineptitude can get me down. I don't have anyone to blame, and I don't want anyone to blame. I am the way I am mostly though genetics.

I get angry at myself sometimes when some time later I realise, or it is pointed out, that I may have done something odd, insensitive, or hurtful. It's anger at myself because I was unable to see these flaws, and frustration with myself that I am unable to handle these emotions. I think mostly it's that I am frustrated that I lack the will power to overcome my shortcomings.

Until I can master those, or at least improve upon them, I need to cope with the negative emotions, anxiety and obsession. It's often advised that one should talk about it, thus making it a bit better.  I don't talk to people about my Aspergers much, and I can't always talk to them when I need to, so I try coping strategies.

Coping is using intelligence to find something to distract, or move attention away, from the current situation. When I'm feeling anxious or frustrated, I tend to be overcome with nervous energy and start to pace. This is more of a symptom than a coping strategy. What I do then is sit down, breathe deeply and think logically about the most likely outcomes and the (in)significance of their impact. And this works for a short period of time.

When I'm angry, I have a different coping mechanism which may not be for everyone. I find that an adrenaline filled activity where skill is needed, can completely reduce the feelings of anger. I usually play Modern Warfare 2. Why? It get's my heart rate up, I have to combine sight, hearing, and my brain, and I genuinely care about the outcome. It might help that I'm good at the game, but I don't get the same release when I play other games. Physical exercise like lifting weights or using punchbags doesn't work for me but it might for others.

And for just general stress or obsession, I've found that a walk does me good. There are obviously times when you can't just walk three miles, but I have yet to find something else to help. Well there is one thing, but I haven't tried it much, which is just lying on the floor. I find it very hard to care about things when I'm lying staring at the ceiling. It could just be me though. Whatever works for you I suppose.