Fatigue

Fatigue, weariness, tiredness. Three things on a spectrum. Fatigue occurs after a prolonged period where physical or mental faculties have been overtaxed. Many Aspies either have experienced or will experience fatigue at some point in their lives. Asperger's is sometimes known as 'wrong planet syndrome'. This is effectively true, especially when thrust in to the working world.

Most types of employment involve some levels of stress. Not yours? Imagine sitting by a cool pool in warm weather with no cares in the world. Now imagine your job. Stress. Most jobs involve forms of social interaction. No example needed here unless you test code in a darkened room all day, or spend your nights measuring light pollution. Social interaction. A person with AS may not notice that it takes effort, because it always has - this is normal. Also, it is a fact that many schools of management think that specialisation increases work efficiency. Why bring that up? Let me phrase it like this perhaps: Are you tired of doing the Same Thing Every Day? Some people may like it, but for others the endless performance of one tasks s demoralising. Uniformity.

These factors contribute heavily to fatigue, but for most Aspergians, the constant social environment is the perhaps the largest factor. This may be why we have been "traditionally" unable to maintain full-time employment (cited in a lot of literature, though I have never seen any raw data). From my own experience, fatigue is very real. There are a variety additional factors in my case, such as the feeling of futility and impotence to change the ineptitude of low level management, giving me a sense of fatigue. Such that, I have taken two weeks off work simply to do nothing. Easy for some, you might say. Well, yes, I do have the means to take this break, and I certainly had the motivation. I still don't feel entirely at ease, and am due to return to work on Monday. I shall have to see how quickly the fatigue returns. But right now, it feels necessary, because for every week working, I felt increasingly tired in my bones. I've been employed for under 1 year.

Do I Have A Learning Disability?

Is this even a question I am ready, or even able, to answer? I don't know. Any autistic syndrome is classified as a disability of varying degree. Do I feel differently towards or about the physically or mentally different? I'd like to think not. But when asked if I believe I have a disability, I pause every single time before saying no.

Yes, I have some social impairment. Yes, I find it more difficult to deal with and identify emotions and associated non-verbal cues. Yes, decisions can be a laborious task. Yes, I might need support in tasks  where others do not. But I still don't want to admit to a disability. Impairment maybe, but nothing else. Why?

I don't have a diagnosis. But that only deflects the question to why I don't try to get one. However true or untrue it may be, I believe there to be a stigma to disabilities, even if it is unconscious. Of course people knowing (or ideally being more generally aware of the prevalence of ASDs) more about Asperger Syndrome might make my and other people's interactions easier. I don't want to be treated differently for something I am, but something I've done. I don't want people to say "he did well, especially for someone like him". I know this is unlikely, but that the ever-present paranoia rearing it's head.

Am I prejudiced against people with mental disabilities? I hope I am not, and I act like I am not. I have treated the mentally handicapped people I've met differently, but I treat different NTs differently based on who they are. Am I prejudiced against myself? I treat myself harder than I treat other people.

Do I have an Autism Spectrum Disorder? Yes. Do I have a disability? Would you judge a fish by it's ability to do calculus?